1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
