he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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