Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
