You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
