so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
