You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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