I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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