My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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