i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're a waste of cheezeits
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
