So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
50% drunk capacity currently
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I DEMAND FORESKIN
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
