when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
