I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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