life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
