there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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