she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
