I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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