so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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