I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize