why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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