Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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