sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
