Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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