help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
