last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
