I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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