pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
