Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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