Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
