He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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