I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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