Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
