were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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