You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize