She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
