You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
