mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
