im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
