Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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