remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
