I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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