They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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