Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
