I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
