girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
