I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
