I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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