I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
