I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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