Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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