Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
