awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
