Your tits are I can't wait for
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
