I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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