fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
nutella sex= disaster
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
