Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is my gift to your gina
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
