Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
