it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
