she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
