p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
