There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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