Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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