I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize