some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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