It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
