don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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