Kiss
Puke
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
farters have to be the big spoon...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
