Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I said "one day" and that day is not today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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