Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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