I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
