sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
