you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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