turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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