I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
