I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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