You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize