you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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