I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
