I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
