i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize