Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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