this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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