If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dear god my vagina.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
