the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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