He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's blow job season.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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