My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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