to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
