I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
